In a few months, I turn 50.
And, remarkably, I’m actually OK about it.
It’s just a number after all. I’m not dreading it, planning to hide it or having some kind of midlife crisis. What I have noticed, though, is that it’s got me thinking a bit more about what comes next.
There’s something about 50 that makes it feel as though I should be starting a new chapter.
The only slight problem is that I haven’t got a clue what that chapter is yet.
I don’t remember ever having a particular idea of what being 50 would look like. My grandparents would have been approaching 50 when I was born, so as a child I probably thought 50 was ancient.
Now I’m nearly there myself, I can confirm that it isn’t.
Mentally, I don’t feel old at all. Physically? Well, things are definitely getting a little tougher and bits of me occasionally have different ideas, but I still feel as though I have an awful lot of life left to live.
Maybe that’s why I’m thinking more about how I want to spend it.
There’s another fairly significant change happening at almost exactly the same time. In four weeks, our youngest leaves for university. After 23 years of having children at home, my husband and I are suddenly going to find ourselves on our own.
Just us.
That’s going to be strange.
Of course I’ll miss having them around, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t also a small part of me thinking…
No more Mum Taxi!
For the first time in a very long time, our weekends can become ours again. I’m actually quite excited about discovering what we might do with them.
I’d definitely like to travel more. We recently went to Amsterdam on the Eurostar and loved travelling that way, so more European city breaks by train are firmly on the list.
I’d like to read more. Make more. Keep trying new creative things. Maybe discover things I don’t even know I’m interested in yet.
I’m starting to think a little differently about work too.
I’ve spent a huge part of my adult life working for the same charity and the last ten years leading it. I still care enormously about what I do, but I’m beginning to wonder whether the next stage of my working life has to look quite the same.
Maybe, at some point, it becomes less about being the CEO and more about sharing some of what I’ve learned along the way.
Who knows?
I certainly don’t.
And actually, I’m beginning to think that’s OK.
I’m not approaching 50 with a bucket list of 50 things I absolutely must achieve. I don’t particularly want to reinvent myself and I have no desire to throw everything up in the air. I’m pretty happy with the life I’ve built.
I think I’d just like to leave a little more room for curiosity.
More books. More city breaks. More creativity. A little less rushing.
And the privilege of watching our children build lives of their own, knowing that whatever they choose to do and wherever they end up, they are loved.
Maybe that’s what this next chapter is about.
Not knowing exactly what comes next, but having a little more time and space to find out.
There is, however, one thing I really thought I might have mastered by 50.
Crochet.
Still an absolute enigma.
I’ve watched the videos. I’ve looked at the diagrams. I’ve held the hook.
Nothing.
Some things, apparently, are destined to remain beyond me.
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